This is a picture of Jessica (my training partner) and I before the Backyard Burn series, a foot race in the woods of Virginia, i.e., a place I would never go alone. Would you believe I won that race? My competitors couldn’t believe it either.
No one has ever feared me as a competitor because I don’t look the part–I’m not super skinny and I don’t wear a Lululemon headband. While it was once an ego crusher, now, I embrace this nescience. I like the idea that no one expects me to win so I make it a point to appear even more “loser-like”.
If you follow the steps below (I have honed and perfected them for your using), you will both confuse and beat your competitor.
The first three steps are designed to trick the nudnicks into thinking you’re slow. The last five steps aren’t tricks rather tools key to your victory.
8 Ways to Win Your Next Race and Fool Your Competitors
1. Wear baggy clothing. Pick an oversized top that makes you look pregnant so no one will see the six pack lurking beneath. Notice in the picture how Jessica is wearing a fitted tank and short set. She looks like a runner, thus people will fear her. I look knocked up; no one will consider me a threat.
2. Ask Questions. The more mindless the better. “Can I go to the bathroom now or do I have to hold it? Who are these other people? Do I stop at the end or keep going?” Done correctly, it works. (If you laugh, break eye contact, or stutter, you will ruin everything.)
3. Be Emotional. Furrow your brow, squint your eyes, ball up your fists, or tear up a little. This behavior will signal to others you are unstable, tense, and (drum roll, please) not going to win. Fast people are calm. You must appear the opposite.
Now, the things you MUST do to win.
4. Train Hard. It’s not sexy but it’s the truth. Genetics get you to mile one. Hard work gets you to mile one faster. Replace your weekly wine tasting activities with interval and speed work. This is what I like to call the “money maker”. Do it.
5. Warm Up. This is a widely neglected rule so ignore it if you enjoy losing. Contrary to popular belief, warming up doesn’t make more you tired. It prepares you for battle. Without it, you’ll spend part of the race getting into your groove. Bad idea! What’s a good warm up? Jog lightly for 10 minutes then do 5-7 strides.
6. Start in Front. Go to any start line in Metro DC and you will see Ethiopians, Russian princesses, and 95lb pound powerhouses ready to take names. Fast forward to the finish line and watch one of the aforementioned bust through the tape. Meb Keflezighi doesn’t start in the back, nor should you.
7. Believe in yourself.
8. Have fun. You love running and everything it brings: high calf muscles, bright shoes laces, and bragging rights. Run with heart and you’ll go far. Go get ‘em champ. I love you!
Did I miss anything? What strategies do you use to a) trick people into thinking you are dumb, and b) kick butt?
Jay-Z will never permit a chubby Beyonce to slide underneath his covers. And for that, she is lucky.
The benefits of having Jay as a husband are far-reaching. He’s a genius; he’s got a goofy laugh; and he likes red wine. Oh, and he produces music that evokes every emotion possible. On his most recent gift to mankind, he’s shaped his tunes to fit every workout possible. Thus, with him by her side, Beyonce will always be ‘working it out’. And so will we.
According to Hip hop heads/aficionados/gurus, Blueprint 3 is only “pretty good”. As the resident fitness head/aficionado/guru, I disagree. Blueprint 3 is more than pretty good. It is the best workout CD Jay Z has dropped. There’s a song for every intensity, modality, to suit every BODY.
Here are the 5 best workout songs on Jay-Z’s Blueprint 3:
1. A Star Is Born is best for sauntering in and out of the gym.
2. D. O. A. is best for getting pumped up. “Oh my gawd, I’m about to burn a hole in this treadmill, the whole gym ’bout to wonder who I am and how many medals I have won.” Or something like that.
3. On To the Next One featuring Swizz Beats is best for anything that requires power, speed, and lungs. Read: box jumps, burpees, sprint intervals, hill repeats.
4. So Ambitious featuring Pharellis best for easy running; intervals on the elliptical; and booty-building stair stepping.
5. Venus vs. Marsis best for stretching. And other things I won’t reveal here.
What do you say? What ONE album has a plethora of songs suitable for exercising?
It’s Real World meets Baywatch meets a jump rope master I’ve never heard of. This group is like an eHarmony me’nage a` trois: nobody knows each other but they all want the same thing.
THE EXPERTS:
Eric Nies from Real World. Kelly Packard from Baywatch. And Louis Garcia.
Eric has had perfect abs since the days he tryed to seduce Julie in the NYC loft. That’s why I will forever welcome him in workout videos. His lean body is a testament to his work ethic (and vanity). He loves his body and so do I.
Kelly is bubbly and spry. Eric calls her “bunny” in the video (which is awkward). I can tolerate her as one of the cheerleaders during the workout but it’s hard to take instruction from her during the tutorial sections. She has no credibility other than her ability to run in a swimsuit sans wedgie.
I’ve never heard of Louis Garcia prior to the video so, naturally, I googled him. I only found him on sites promoting this DVD. If you’re the world’s greatest, shouldn’t there be a WORLD of websites raving about you? A you tube video, a personal website perhaps? I’m not questioning his credibility; I’m questioning his PR Teams mojo. His knowledge and likability trumped the need for b-list celebrity sidekicks.
THE PREMISE: “Feel like a kid again with the RopeSport Jump Rope Basic Video DVD. The RopeSport Basic puts the fun back in jumping rope and delivers a total body workout that can burn up to 1000 calories per hour! ”
THE TRUTH: You will not burn 1000 calories. You’ll barely burn 250. If you are un-coordinated or lack tenacity, prepare to be frustrated. But don’t use that impending frustration as a deterrent. The skills you gain-once you master the skills-are far-reaching. You just won’t gain them in this BASIC program.
WHAT IT DID FOR ME: I was successful on the basic drills. But when i had to do foreign jump tricks, I (ahem) struggled. I whipped my legs so many times, I wish I’d worn pants. And when I wasn’t whipping my legs, I was whipping my face. By the end of the DVD, I looked like Freddy Kreuger. I didn’t get my butt kicked but looked like I had.
PROS: It will “teach” you jump skills like the lateral hop, the lunge, the shuffle, etc.
CONS: The DVD liner says 60 minutes run time. I assumed most of it would be spent on kicking my behind. Wrong! The video is 45 minutes instructions and only 15 minutes of exercise. Uh? They spend 45 minutes showing you different jump moves, but don’t incorporate many of them into the workout. What’s the point of teaching me the specifics if I can’t practice them in real-time during the workout?? The short workout was fine but when I started to enjoy myself, it was over. I felt cheated and used. I turned off the DVD and took a cold shower.
GRADE: C-. If you want a tutorial on various jump tricks, buy it. If you are looking for an intense workout, don’t.
Have you tried this video? What did you think? What do you look for in a exercise video? What matters most to you?
WOW (Workout Of the Week): Jump Rope and Kettlebell Swings
Who: You and a fit friend. Or you and yo’ momma. In this case, me and my client Aysha.
What: Jumping rope and Kettlebell swings. 30 seconds on each exercise. Complete 10 rounds without a break. (Grabbing a quick swig of water or retying your shoe is permitted.)
When: 2x a week
Why: Because you always do the same thing.
Where: Anywhere. This workout travels well.
Equipment: A jumprope and a kettlebell (or dumbbell). Weight should be at least 20lbs.
Goal: Max repetitions. Keep a mental count and try to get the same number of reps each time.
Results: Exceptional cardiovascular conditioning. And even better training for your calves, quads, hamstrings, and that too often neglected booty.
Tell me how it goes. I personally found the jump rope to be most taxing beneficial.
Nobody wants to count calories. Nobody wants to get fat either. And here we are.
Many of us don’t realize how much we are eating because counting calories ranks up there with cleaning the shower: no one wants to do it. Not knowing how many calories you are consuming gets dangerous after the age of 22. Gone are the days when you can eat a pack of pop tarts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (I spent four years on the pop tart diet in college; I was a thin, energetic machine. If I did that now, I’d be chubby and slow.) Unfortunately, ignorance is not bliss when it comes to that layer of skin hanging over your Levis.
Other than a lack of consistent exercise, the biggest contributor to weight gain is improper diet. In short, we eat too much. Way too much. We eat when we’re stressed, we eat when we’re working on the computer, we eat late at night, and we eat more than the suggested serving size. But we can stop these bad habits by educating ourselves and paying attention. Watch what you eat and only eat when you’re hungry.
Check out the calorie content of foods found in the American diet.
Over 300 calories
30 Lays potato chips
2 small brownies
1 slice of cheese pizza
1 cup of ice cream (it killed me to list this. but i must be true to you, readers.)
200 calories
1 medium bagel
1 cup baked beans
1 cup whole grain cereal
1 medium sweet potato
1 cup brown rice or pasta
1 whole wheat pita
120 calories
1 tbsp olive oil
3 oz avocado
1 cup cottage cheese
1 8oz plain yogurt
100 calories
3 oz tuna
2 slices turkey bacon
3 oz skinless chicken breast
1 veggie burger
1 medium apple
2 cups of strawberries
1 cup watermelon
1 cup grapes
50 calories
1 cup asparagus
1 cup broccoli
1 cup carrots
1 cup mushrooms
1 cup peppers
2 cups kale
2 cups collard green
2 cups spinach
Is there something you regularly eat that’s not on the list? If so, tell me what it is and the amount of calories it has. Let’s make this a learning experience for everyone.
The earthquake that has devastated Haiti has devastated me. This incident has put me in such a funk: I feel useless and sad. However, I’ve committed to turning my funk into action. (Because being in a funk is rough. You’re in it but you don’t know how you got there nor how long you will stay.)
Here are four ways you can help Haiti, and yourself:
1. DONATE to relief efforts in Haiti. www.redcross.org is a safe route. I will be donating to the Yele Haiti Foundation.
2. APPRECIATE what you have: shelter, life, breath, opportunity.
3. CONGREGATEwith people you care about. listen when they talk. make them laugh. forgive them. love them. protect them.
4. EDUCATE yourself. read more books. travel. expose yourself to different people, different perspectives. get uncomfortable. broaden your view. step out of your box and see the world.
You have a gift. Something special, unique, and useful you can offer to someone. Maybe you can’t help the people in Haiti but you can help the people in your backyard. Use that beautiful voice to sing to kids at a daycare center. Use your hands to pick up the phone and call someone you know would love to hear from you. Use those tap dancing legs to entertain the homeless gathered at the K street park. Use those big biceps to pick up beer bottles that litter playgrounds. Use your words to make your mother feel appreciated. Use your ears to listen to old people tell stories. Use your fingers to create: Draft the first chapter of your book. Hold a hand. Paint a picture. Write a love letter.
Turn this tragedy into opportunity. An opportunity to do better. To do right. Use this to spark a change in your life. Allow it to manifest within you a desire to make a difference wherever you are, with whomever you touch.
Each week I will post a run-down of the best in nutrition and fitness. I’ll also include other quick tips so you’ll have more time to exercise and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
WORKOUT SONG: Touch Me by DJ Tiesto
NUTRITION: Lose weight eating like a caveman? Try it. The Paleo Diet.
WEBSITE: Set up intervals on your computer. This website will chime at the end of each interval. Now you can focus more on knocking out repetitions and less on watching the clock. Interval Timer.
FITNESS: Build better legs with ONE exercise.Split Squat.
QUOTE: “The human body can only do so much. Then the heart and spirit must take over.” – Sohn Kee-chung, 1936 Olympic Marathon Champion
First of all, I love you. I know, every time that I say I love you, its followed by crossfit front squats, an endurance spin class, or an inhumane number of burpees. This time its different, though, so listen, okay? Like I said, I love you. I love you because you’ve been there for me when it mattered the most: You’ve helped me walk away from bad relationships, you’ve helped me run a marathon, you’ve helped me stand up for what I believe in, but, more importantly, you’ve helped me hover over nasty gas station toilets. You’ve even held me up over toilets in posh nightclubs where I should have been honored to sit. My hovering skills got so good that one time I texted a friend (while in hover mode) in the middle of the longest pee of my life. I did this and still remained on target. You were steady as a rock. That’s what you’ve done for me, you see. And nothing can take that away from us. But it wasn’t always this way. I used to resent you.
In high school, you looked different. No one said good things about you. They called you a macronutrient. A protein. “Chicken legs,” to be exact. They were so cruel. Who would call you Chicken Legs? A boy, of course. “Hey man, see that light-skinned black girl who looks self-conscious? Let’s say something mean to her.” And they did. The worst part – I still haven’t forgiven myself for this – is that I believed them. Instead of believing in you and your potential, I hid you from the world. Making jeans fit any occasion became my modus operandi. If I was dressing up, I’d wear a crisp button-down tucked into midnight blue Girbaud jeans and loafers. If I were feigning insouciance, I’d wear strategically torn jeans with a shirt that hugged my A cup bra so tight you could see the outline of the tissue I’d stuffed in there.
So, where were we? Oh, yeah, the if-you-sit-on-that-toilet-your-butt-will-grow-protuberances part.
Yes, you have been a bridge over troubled waters. Literally. But what I love most is that you suffer daily and give me little lip. As a matter of fact, the back-talking has become so rare that I wonder if you care at all. I mean, we’re supposed to hurt the ones we love, right? Some lactic acid buildup, a labored uphill walk, or a vastus lateralis text message sent via a leg cramp would be nice. Something! Cause, if we’re keeping it real, you would be nothing without me. You didn’t get strong by divine intervention. Yes, some quads got it like that but you ain’t one of them, chicken legs! Do you know the trouble I went through to ensure no one ever called you that again? A lot. I have physical evidence to prove it. Exhibit A: The bunion on my left foot from years of track workouts. Exhibit B: TheOsgood-Schlatter disease from adolescent softball and cheerleading tryouts. I’m gonna stop there because I’m being mean and you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry.
Despite the bunion and the bump and your resistance to moisturizing agents, I think you are wonderful. Beautiful, Strong, and Buttery. Even when I cross one of you over the other and the bottom one threatens to curl like spoiled milk, I still love you. I take the good with the bad. I take that neat line that separates my quad from my hamstring along with the scar on my knee from the day I crashed my bike into a wall. I take it all. Because you mean that much to me. And on the day when some thug tries to steal my wallet and the three dollars in it, I know you’ll be there to kick him in the nuts and run. And while you are running faster than he thought you would, I will smile and scream the lyrics to Michael Jacksons, “Bad” at the top of my lungs.
Music is the source of my energy. It makes my head involuntarily nod and my feet do a soulful Riverdance. It drives me, inspires me, and calms me. On the worst of days, it whispers, “You can do it, girl. You’re not tired. This is easy”. And I believe it.
Music has the power to push you beyond your limits, helping you achieve the impossible.
Here’s a playlist I’ve created in hopes of facilitating your 5k PR or your push press max. I’ve included the song name, genre, and the physical activity that it suits best. (I know, I’m too good to you.)
1. Heartless by Kanye West – midtempo hip hop; best for running a 8:00 min mile pace
2. Black and Gold by Sam Sparro – dance/electronic-ish; best for anything (seriously)
3. Over and Over by The Chip – midtempo electronic; best for steady state cardio
4. I Want Nothing by The Black Ghosts – fast alternative-ish; best for fast running or heavy lifting
5. Stand Back by Stevie Nicks – midtempo rock; best for easy running or lifting
6. Computer Love by Zapp and Roger – slow soul; best for sauntering in and around the gym
Now, it’s your turn. What’s on your workout playlist?
